Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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