tell your sister to shave her snatch
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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