He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
