So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
