420 ftw
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
