remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
