Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
