dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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