New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
