So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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