Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
