If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
