Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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