I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
