I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
