my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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