Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
