I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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