SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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