i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
