I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
