I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
