what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
