I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
