I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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