Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it because I queefed?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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