I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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