oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
