last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
