we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
