you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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