I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
