so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think i have two assholes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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