i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
