my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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