'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
