Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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