Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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