i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
