I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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