Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
