the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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