It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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I just sucked dick on a ferry
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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