What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
