I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize