Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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