Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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