So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize