Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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