i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He is an equal opportunity slut.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
