i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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