Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A+ Viking dick
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
