She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
