Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
