mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
