i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
