Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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